My Blue Room
A Poem by Harrison Holland-McCowan
I sit still
alone in this blue room of mine
amidst dull green change
and a translucent cup of tea
separated from them
by small matters
the euphoria I feel in wind
my crippling fear at night
humming chemicals I cannot measure
leaving me confused at the sight
of the bones in my hand
and the vacant looks of others
so one year ago today
I began burning myself alive
with fuel I cannot hold or understand
wiping ashes from my brow
in hopes of an eventual silence
but in time I have learned
I do not burn easily
so this morning
I decided to move
cooling the cut joints
so that maybe
once it has all been settled
and I have paid my price
for clear cold water
my shadow will look
more like an oak
and less like
an uncertain pattern of rain
Harrison Holland-McCowan is a poet based in Berkeley, California, and has been writing for seven years. He studied poetry at Cornell University and explores the relationship between mental health and the natural world in his work. Through character-driven poems rooted in their environments, he examines themes of isolation, love, and other complex emotions. Drawing from his own experiences, Harrison crafts personal narratives that speak to resilience, growth, and strength. His favorite poets include W.S. Merwin, Robert Lowell, Joy Harjo, and William Carlos Williams. His poem My Blue Room—a reflection on healing after his most significant mental health struggle—remains his most personal and resonant work.
