1985
slow drip. mellow brew of cold cow dung
blankets, smears the air with gaseous vapor.
a rickety yellow bus at 7:20am
creaks. cold metal frame. vinyl seat.
English syllables disembark at the curb.
acne caked face. covered
in spindly corduroy legs.
Pierre Cardin cologne.
Members Only Jacket.
hair of mullet. Kmart backpack.
Velcro strap sneakers.
the holy mother scrubs me,
washes my thoughts, rinses my eyes
to erase my lustful gaze
on that guy’s crotch.
my book of Marx melds with Christ of the poor.
but my sword and shield
have not yet found their rhythm.
my father’s arsenal of words
are fists of fear,
of Catholic obedience,
of American pride.
the newspaper maps got it wrong.
the MX missiles live here, on his tongue.
he launches them with my grandfather’s voice for fuel,
built with his father’s father’s hand
to tell me that this school
will save me from the fags.
Bananarama whistles from the cafeteria.
the silver lid on the tall tamal pot clangs
and if i could, I would slip out of this gay skin, slide
it off like a wet, humid husk of foreskin
before I catch AIDS from a boy’s kiss.
sister calls us to lower our heads.
my rosary wraps around bony fingers,
resin beads press against the bottom
phalanx, tightened to the middle,
rub, press corners into flesh.
its fangs, its venom permeate my skin.
my words of submission--its libation.
Ricardo Moran (he/him) is a past recipient of the Peter K. Hixson Memorial Award for Poetry. His writing has been published or is forthcoming in Beatific Magazine, Cider Press Review, Midwest Quarterly, Perceptions Magazine, East Jasmine Review, The Seattle Star, and Willa Cather Review. He is a former board member and current advisory board member for San Diego Writers, Ink. and is a former associate editor with Zoetic Press. His debut poetry anthology, Not Quite Heaven, from Broken Tribe Press, was published in 2025 and was shortlisted for the 2024 Tribe Poetry Award. He has delivered poetry readings in Albania, Ireland, and a book signing in Norway. He lives in Albania, enjoys traveling, and learning how to say “good morning” in as many languages as possible. In every timeline, you can find him reading, writing, and plotting right here: www.ricardomoranwriter.com
